THEFEARMONSTER's PLAYGROUND

"Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down."--Ray Bradbury

Stacked wooden pallets, some covered with plastic sheets, form a crude shack, filthy mattresses lie on the muddy ground, broken chairs and odd pieces of furniture loosely form a circle around a fire in a tin drum. Two boys are doing wild flips on the mattresses. A small figure is cooking what appears to be a pancake over the fire. Off to the side is a large pile of old tires. Two girls pull tires from the pile and roll them down a steep slope into a creek that runs through the area. A big, faded, and obviously thrown away plastic boat is wedged into the creek bank. Other than some walls covered with graffiti there are no bright colors.

A homeless camp? A scene from "Lord of the Flies?" No. Actually it's a nearly one acre playground at the end of a housing development in North Wales. "The Land" is an "adventure playground", part of a project created to design a playground with loose parts that kids can move around and manipulate to create their own structures with as little adult supervision as possible. The idea is to foster a free and permissive atmosphere that allows kids to use their imaginations in creating play that encourages them to face what to them seem like "really dangerous" risks and then conquer them. And thus develop self-confidence and courage.

The park is staffed by professionally trained "playworkers" who keep a close eye on the kids but don't interfere much. In the two years it's been opened no one has been injured except for and occasional scraped knee. If a ten year-old lit a fire at an American playground the police would be called and the kid taken for counseling. Yet at The Land the benefits of fire outweigh the risks: the social experience to sit around and talk with friends, make new ones, to sing and dance around or just stare and think. Building a fire can be a cooperative experience where everyone has jobs, gathering fuel materials, arranging them, lighting the fire and maintaining and controlling it.

Kids today are micro-managed and over-protected, over-scheduled with sports and lessons as well as video games and social media. The opportunities for unstructured time are severely limited, time that is essential for the development of creativity, independence and self-confidence.

As a society we've become very fearful and overly cautious. Playgrounds are designed to be "safer" with the intent to make them risk-proof by removing certain equipment or installing rubber flooring. Certain games such as dodgeball have been eliminated that are deemed to cause possible injury or loss of self-esteem by being too competitive. Interestingly, some studies have shown that playground injuries have increased when kids use equipment in ways they weren't designed for in order to make them more challenging and less boring. One particular study showed an increase in long-bone (leg, arm) injuries due to "risk compensation", kids not worrying as much about injuries on "safe equipment", and thus not being as careful and getting hurt more often.

Children have a sensory need to experience danger and excitement. What they do doesn't have to actually be dangerous but that they feel they're taking a great risk that scares them and then they overcome the fear: 1) exploring great heights, high enough to evoke fear. 2) learning to handle and master dangerous tools, sharp scissors or knives. 3) Being near dangerous elements, playing near water or fire and being aware that danger is nearby. 4) Rough and tumble play, wrestling and play fighting that teaches negotiating aggression and cooperation. 5) Cycling or sledding at a pace that feels too fast. 6) Most importantly, exploring on their own. Being left alone and taking full responsibility for their actions and the consequences.*

The drive to explore is hardwired in humans as evidenced by human migrations over the continents and the discoveries of The New World. Kids have a basic urge and love to explore away from the eyes of adults, experiencing a feeling of risk and the chance of getting lost, discovering and exploring new places. And then returning safely, maybe sharing the experience with friends (never adults) or keeping the secret to themselves. I was shocked--although maybe not surprised--to learn years later of some of the places our son had gone on his bicycle with his friend Chad after being specifically told not to go beyond his neighborhood boundaries. Of course, it was all Chad's idea and who made him do it.

Kids are born with the instinct to take risks in play as play is the way they learn to negotiate the world. Learning to manage risk is essential to survival. Our task as parents is to protect our kids while also preparing them to function as independent, self-sufficient, successful, happy adults. When children are over-protected we deprive them of the opportunity to learn these essential survival skills. And after all, what parent wants their 40 year-old kid still living in their basement? As a therapist I see too many young adults stuck in life, afraid to move forward for fear of trying something and failing, school, finding a job, dating and romantic relationships. Without the guarantee of succeeding, they're unwilling to take the risk of attempting a challenge and failing. So they stay stuck.

I once asked a particle physicist how they felt when a theory they had been pursuing turned out to be wrong. Wasn't it a big disappointment? "Oh no," he said. "We just get more excited since we learned one thing that doesn't work and now we can work on other new ideas!" As Thomas Edison said, "Ten thousand failures are worth more than one success."

*Excerpted from "The Over-Protected Kid" by Hanna Rosin in the April, 2014 The Atlantic. It's an excellent and thought provoking article about the hazards of over-protecting children and the necessity for them to learn to take risks. It's also on THEFEARMONSTER's banned reading list and I highly recommend it.

Next Time: BREAKING FREE FROM OCD  

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