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Welcome to TheFearMonsterSlayer

Hi and welcome to my blog. I’m Jeff Aronson, TheFearMonsterSlayer. In this and future blogs I’ll share some simple, effective and fun tools for managing fear and anxiety. So, welcome aboard!

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EYEBALL TO EYEBALL WITH PANIC

11/30/2014

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"We were eyeball to eyeball and I think the other fellow just blinked."--Dean Rusk, Secretary of State, Cuban Missile Crisis, 1962

In my last few posts I've shared some good tools for managing panic attacks and also provided some useful and interesting information about their physiology. Knowing what's going on and why it's happening can be reassuring in coping with the attacks. Most important: YOU WON'T GO CRAZY and YOU WON'T DIE!

Good information and useful tools for sure, but wouldn't it be better to just be able to face down panic, eyeball to eyeball, knowing we can handle whatever it throws at us without flinching? Knowing we can do this gives us power over panic and removes future fear of it which keeps us on guard and can actually bring on an attack. So let's have at it.

I'm never afraid to steal a good idea and am going to be taking some From Reid Wilson's book, Don't Panic! (on THEFEARMONSTER's banned book list). Trying to escape from difficult thoughts or feelings usually makes them worse. Remember the Chinese finger traps? So instead of trying to escape or change their distressing content, we change our relationship with them by learning to watch them mindfully and at enough distance to realize viscerally and objectively that they're just mental or physical sensations to be noticed. Not true or false reality.

Several posts ago I described how as a kid I learned to disengage myself from pain when having a tooth filled because my sadistic dentist skimped on or avoided using novocaine at all. It's the same idea.

So let's look at how this works. For anxiety or panic to intensify we have to: 1) closely observe what's happening. 2) interpret it negatively, commenting on it with fear and anticipation. Instead, let's think of ourselves as independent observers who merely notice and report on the data we see. Think Star Trek's Mr. Spock. Our independent observer collects relevant information, detached from strong emotions, thinks calmly even when concerned, is devoid of prejudices, gains perspective, and sees problems in an objective, different light. As Sgt. Joe Friday of the old TV series "Dragnet" used to say, "Just the facts, ma'am."

Contrary to our independent observer is 1) the "critical" observer who points out our flaws and past mistakes to remind us of what a failure we are, 2) the "hopeless" observer who expects us to always fail and that there are insurmountable obstacles in front of us, 3) the "worried" observer who is always on guard and anticipates and fears the worst. So what's the alternative?

Simple. Observe, detached from strong emotions, calmly collecting and interpreting the facts objectively, even while maybe feeling concern. Our observer gathers and observes the facts then chooses an appropriate action. Becoming preoccupied with the symptoms worsens them. My wife sometimes comments that when things are going badly, how useful it would be to separate from them and simply observe them as interesting and with curiosity as to how they'll turn out.

It takes some time to do this, 10 to 20 seconds, before responding. In a panic situation it usually takes less than two seconds before concluding we're losing control. The extra time allows us to realistically assess and interpret the situation and then take appropriate action.

Remember, these are physical sensations taking place that are mostly not dangerous but nonetheless unpleasant and frightening. Interestingly, most clients tell me their attacks come out of the blue when everything seems to be going along OK and they're not stressed or threatened. Understanding this is an important first step to effectively managing them. I've said in earlier posts that fear is a bully we have to stand up to or else it keeps coming back.

In my next post I'll share some steps to master these skills. And like getting to Carnegie Hall, it takes  practice, practice, practice. See you then.

THEFEARMONSTER Banned Book Recommendation: The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook, by Davis, Eshelman, McKay

Next Time: STARING DOWN PANIC







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PANIC SURFING

11/16/2014

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"Catch a wave and you're sittin' on top of the world."--The Beach Boys

In my last post, "Going With the Flow", I described an imaginary scenario explaining how our emergency response system kicks automatically without consciously thinking about it. Here's a real life and up close and personal experience.

One night several weeks ago my dogs ran out into our dark back yard, barking furiously. Since we live in the desert where there are predators (neighbors have had dogs killed by predators), I intuitively knew I had to get them inside quickly. "Intuition is knowing something without knowing why" (The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker).

When I got outside, barefoot and in boxer shorts, the dogs were running around frantically and barking at something in the dark. Suddenly, fifteen feet in front of me was a very large coyote that had leaped over a six-foot wall looking for a meal. My first thought was, "I need to protect the dogs."

Without thinking and unmindful of my bare feet on the gravel, I charged the coyote, roaring and growling. Intuitively I know they're very timid around humans and the coyote leaped back over the wall. Now, I don't know what I would have done if it had been a mountain lion but like to think I would have done the same.

The exact same automatic emergency responses I described in my freeway scenario kicked in with the coyote as well, including the automatic system shut-off once the danger had passed. So let's talk about how we can create our own calming response to turn off the panic button without having to wait for the brain and body to do it naturally as you already have the tools but may not know it yet or how to use them.

When we're daydreaming, focusing on a pleasant image or memory, calming physiology changes occur in the body, breathing slows, heart rate decreases, muscle tension reduces and there's a calmness in the mind. These changes happen without us commanding them to, in fact, telling ourselves to relax tends to have the opposite effect. If you have a pet you know that stroking your dog or cat is very calming and almost a meditative state This is essentially what meditation is, passively focusing on an inner awareness, be it breathing, an image or sound, that enables the body to relax and release muscle tension on its own as it's designed to do.

When we become anxious or panicky our muscles automatically tense which can make the anxiety or panic worse as we try to fight off the panic and "remain in control." And, of course, when we're tense and anxious the ability to think logically is drastically reduced. One of the tenets of the martial arts is, rather than resist, use your opponent's energy against him by flowing with it. Paradoxically, the best approach is to reduce muscle tension which reduces anxiety and activates the calming response.

Practice these techniques now so you've mastered them when and if panic strikes as it's virtually impossible to learn them in the midst of panic. When I was doing the advertising for the Seattle Mariners I once asked the infield coach during spring training why these amazing professional ballplayers did the same drills (same ones I did in Little League) over and over when they already had the talent and knowledge. He said it was so they would do it without thinking when the time came. It's the same thing, practicing these techniques when we're not in the panic or anxiety mode until they become muscle memory when we really need them.

Next time I'll talk some more about other effective techniques for activating the calming response and getting on top of anxiety and panic quickly. Of course, if you don't want to practice mastering these tools you can always fight and resist and wait for the body to eventually do it on its own. See you next time.

THEFEARMONSTER's Banned Book Recommendation: Don't Panic by R. Reid Wilson, PhD. It's full of great straightforward and effective self-help tools for overcoming panic and anxiety. 

Next Time: EYEBALL TO EYEBALL WITH PANIC




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PANIC ATTACK: GOING WITH THE FLOW

11/4/2014

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"Flow with whatever may happen and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate."--Master Zhuang (369 BC-286 BC)

Imagine this scenario: My heart is racing and seems to be bursting out of my chest, my breathing is accelerated, I'm sweating profusely and my hearing and vision have become acutely sharpened, blood flow to my hands and feet has decreased and is being redirected to my torso and deeper skeletal muscles, the pupils in my eyes have dilated and I have the sensation of being out of my body observing everything that's happening in slowed down speed. Whew! A major panic attack, right?

WRONG! Let's look at what was going on during that little scenario. I'm driving on the freeway maintaining a cruising speed of 80 mph, flowing with the traffic which is moderately heavy. Suddenly, three cars ahead a car blows a tire and spins out, crossing two lanes of traffic, causing the cars in front of me to swerve, almost hitting the cars in the lanes next to them. Instantly bouncing towards me is most of the tire that was shredded in the blowout. My immediate thought is "Holy s___, I'm dead!" Without thinking, I veer out of and back into my lane, avoiding the tire and likely death.

Surprisingly, my conscious mind didn't direct me to take those life-saving steps and would have been too slow to react. In fact, my last conscious thought was "Holy s___!" When the brain recognizes that danger is at hand, it flips the "emergency" switch and instantly activates the necessary response systems.

Remember I said I wasn't panicking on the freeway? Panic attacks happen at an illogical time when the brain is tricked into thinking there is immediate danger in the absence of any threat. Because panic is unexpected, it's frightening and induces anxiety which exaggerates the normal healthy emergency response, causing the anxiety to feed on itself. Panic tells us to focus on the body and worry about what will happen next, thus intensifying and prolonging the symptoms. Thinking about panic and fighting it actually interferes with the body doing what it automatically knows how to do. In short, we get in our own way.

The body has a remarkable ability to respond automatically to a threat but, unlike panic, it also knows when to shut down the emergency response and restore the natural balance between activity and rest. Panic disrupts this balance by sending false emergency signals to the brain.

So what do we need to remember to conquer panic when it sends a false alarm to the brain? Simply this: 1) You can trust your body and your unconscious mind to respond appropriately in a crisis. 2) The body has a calming response which is equally as powerful as the emergency response (more on this next time). 3) When your brain hits the panic button, you can consciously turn it off. 4) With practice, you can learn to take control of panic before it controls you.

Next Time: PANIC SURFING 
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    Jeff Aronson

    Hi and welcome to my blog. I’m Jeff Aronson, TheFearMonsterSlayer. In this and future blogs I’ll share some simple, effective and fun tools for managing fear and anxiety. So, welcome aboard!

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