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Welcome to TheFearMonsterSlayer

Hi and welcome to my blog. I’m Jeff Aronson, TheFearMonsterSlayer. In this and future blogs I’ll share some simple, effective and fun tools for managing fear and anxiety. So, welcome aboard!

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DOING BATTLE WITH THE WHATIFMONSTER”*

4/23/2014

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So you’ve met the "WHATIFMONSTER”, or have you? Maybe you’re not sure if that voice in your head is your better judgement guiding your actions or maybe it’s You-Know-Who.

Here are a few pretty reliable clues: 1) The first words are “What if?”  2)They’re about something threatening and in the future. Remember, fear is a signal in the presence of danger in the environment, the rattlesnake in the trail. Worry or anxiety  is based on memory or imagination, usually in the future and in the absence of danger. If so, you’ve met the "WHATIFMONSTER". It’s like the old joke “How can you tell if a politician’s lying? Answer: His lips are moving.” Same idea.

Ok. So before we can do that we first have to be aware we’re having the thought. Sounds pretty obvious but sometimes the thoughts become so natural we’re not even aware we’re having them. I call them automatic thoughts, like a CD we put in and hit the play button. They start out small and insignificant, magnify and take on a life of their own and the next thing you know the world is coming to an end.

The boss sends an email saying he wants to meet later today—the “WIM” loves these opportunities to spread anxiety and terror,feeding us “What ifs” until we’re a shaking nervous wreck--and then we finally sit down with the boss only to hear him praise a project we just completed.

Or a boyfriend doesn’t immediately return a text only to find out later he’d dropped his cell phone into his grande caramel macchiato.

So now that we know we’re under attack, how do we fight back?



*Note: This post was first published April 30, 2014

Next time: COUNTERATTACK!

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THE ATTACK OF THE "WHATIFMONSTER"*

4/11/2014

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So what is this "WHATIFMONSTER" anyway? Well, it's this monster that gets inside of our head to plant fear and anxiety and convince us the world is a dangerous and threatening place, that we should never take risks, and that we should always be afraid and on guard. It tells us that it's keeping us safe but it's really trapping us in an overly cautious and unfulfilling life.

It's the deadly rattlesnake I know is lying in wait for me before I even leave my house to go hiking. Or that voice that whispers and shouts "What if I ask a woman out and she laughs at me and turns me down?" or "What if my headache is really a malignant brain tumor?" "What if? What if? What if?" Sound familiar?

The monster grows to Godzilla-size as we continue to feed it until it ultimately paralyzes and devours us. It's our own creation and, since we created it, we're also the only one with the power to defeat and destroy it.


Next time: Doing Battle With the "WHATIFMONSTER".  See you then.

*Note: This post was first published in April, 2014
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Fear and Anxiety.  THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY.

4/9/2014

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Therapist (me): “So, what do you worry about?”

Client: “Whaddya got?”

Therapist (me): Well, how do you know what to worry about?”

Client: "I don’t. That’s the problem, I worry about everything!”

Crazy as it may seem, fear and anxiety sometimes get a bad rap and we forget that they both have a useful purpose in the right situation and right amount. You and I wouldn’t be here today if our ancestors 3,000,000 years ago didn’t have enough sense to pick up a club or run like hell when they heard a rustling in the bushes outside their cave.

A certain amount of anxiety is also useful as it keeps us sharp and alert and safe and can improve performance. Entertainers and athletes use it to psych themselves up to do their best when they perform or compete. Of course, too much of it can result in stage fright or blowing an easy putt or foul shot. If I’m going to drive the 100 miles up the freeway to Phoenix the right amount of anxiety will make me more aware of what’s going on around me and safer. But I also don’t want to be driving 15 mph along the shoulder of the road.

In my next blog I’ll talk a little bit more about fear and anxiety or worry and why it’s important to know the difference between the two. See you then.


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“Anxiety is the gap between the present and the future.”-- Fritz Perls, Founder of Gestalt Therapy

4/1/2014

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From time to time, at the request of several readers, I'll be re-posting earlier posts (don't worry, these aren't summer re-runs) to refresh readers' memories of some basic tools for managing fear and anxiety. In the meantime I'm continuing to post new information that's simple, fun and effective.--Jeff (TFMS)
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So what’s the difference between fear and anxiety or worry? There’s a big difference and it’s important because we tend to lump the two together.

Fear is instinctive and immediate. It’s real, observable and experienced. We don’t have the time to even think about it; it’s instantly just there and we react. It’s hiking in Sabino Canyon—a popular recreational area in Tucson—and suddenly on the trail in front of me is a rattlesnake. My heart pounds and I leap back about six feet. I once saw a neighbor leap three feet into the air, setting a backwards high jump record, when he came upon a 5 foot rattlesnake lying in the grass on the road shoulder. Never mind that the snake was road kill. All his mind registered was “SNAKE!” and danger. It was actually pretty funny to see and I’m also glad it wasn’t me.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is me getting ready to go for a hike in Sabino Canyon and thinking “What if I don’t see a rattlesnake and I get bitten and what if I go into shock and stop breathing and there’s no cell phone service and there’s no one to help me and I die there! I’d better stay home.” So I waste what should be a beautiful spring day hiking.  I just got ambushed by the “WhatIfMonster” which I’ll talk more about in future blogs. See you next time.

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    How my clients see me.

    Jeff Aronson

    Hi and welcome to my blog. I’m Jeff Aronson, TheFearMonsterSlayer. In this and future blogs I’ll share some simple, effective and fun tools for managing fear and anxiety. So, welcome aboard!

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